I've Gained Weight and I Know They Will Judge Me...
I am hearing a common theme among clients the past few weeks, and I wonder if this worry has been on your mind as well. You feel nervous as things start getting “back to normal” and moving work and events to in-person settings, thus seeing people you haven’t seen in a while. What will they think when they see me? Do they think I have let myself go? I know they are judging me! Has some internalized diet culture and body-checking been playing this type of baloney in your head? You are not alone.
First, let me offer you so much compassion. Working on your personal relationship with food, body, and movement is hard enough. Then living in a world that reveres thinness and dieting undoubtedly makes it a lot harder. PLUS, you add COVID-19 into the mix to make everything that much more complex and challenging. You are not “failing” Health At Every Size or Intuitive Eating for being worried about how others will perceive you. There is no pass or fail in ditching diet culture. Recognizing these thoughts and providing yourself self-care, instead of jumping on the next diet bandwagon, is huge, amazing progress!
I want to share some tips that might help as you acknowledge and deal with any stress caused by the thought of people judging your body.
You are not in charge of other people’s thoughts or feelings. If they are judging you, it says more about them than it does about you. Think back to your own diet culture days; you likely participated in body checking. Remember just how crummy this would make you feel? Keep in mind they are likely in the depths of diet culture and experiencing a challenging relationship with food right now.
Set boundaries. Maybe you were the diet expert back in the day- set the stage early on that you will no longer be talking about bodies or food. Not ready to talk about this yet? No worries. Can you guide the conversation in another direction when things come up that you don’t want to talk about? “I’m working on my relationship with food, and I’d rather not talk about that stuff anymore. More importantly, tell me about your new puppy!”
Wear comfortable clothes, that fit your body, and that you feel good in. Wearing something that digs in, is itchy, that you constantly tug on, or that you simply do not like is setting you up to be thinking about your body in a negative light. This includes undergarments, they ought to be comfortable too! Are you able to pick outfits that look and feel good? Maybe the goal right now isn’t to look and feel like a million bucks, but acceptance instead. This might mean needing to purchase new (or new-to-you) clothing, which is something not everyone can afford right now. Check out ThredUp or other used clothing stores to find more affordable options.
Insert self-care into your day. As your daily routine changes, inserting self-care (big & small) can help you stay grounded and release some anxiety. Think through how your routine is changing. Maybe you will have to get out of bed an hour earlier. Would having pre-prepped breakfasts or a grab-and-go option be helpful? What can you bring to work to add some relaxation? Headphones for a guided meditation or to listen to music? Something tactile like playdough, stones, or a stress ball? A distraction like a crossword puzzle, a funny YouTube video, or a quick call with a friend? You get the idea. Think about what would work best for you.
Remember, you survived a global pandemic, and that is 1000 times more important than your pant size. Seriously, I want to leave it at that. How incredibly fortunate are we, if we got through the past year with only the number on the scale changing. Many lost their lives and loved ones; remember, we are the lucky ones.
Find new people. Okay, I know that sounds somewhat harsh. But if the people that you used to surround yourself with no longer uplift you, don’t honor the boundaries you are setting, and make you feel crummy, maybe they are no longer “your” people. Breaking free from diet culture can feel isolating, but it doesn’t have to. There are lovely online communities and, depending on your location, in-person groups with people who are experiencing similar challenges and wins as you are. Finding people who “get it” can make things that aren’t clicking “click,” help you let loose, and have some uninhibited fun.
Ready to find a community of like-minded people who have fun, talk through sticking points, and support one another? Join the waitlist for the next round of the Intuitive Eating Book Club (more details).
